Ronglish

The single most controversial and debated term in the lexicon, source of a bitter and perhaps irreconcilable split between two factions of Ronglish scholars. Buddygate, they tended to call it.

Original Ronglish teachings provided a rather disappointingly straightforward explanation, insisting the Buddy Holly was simply rhyming slang for volley. So and so goes bonking down the right, knocks one to the second post and such and such catches it clean on the Buddy Holly. End of story. Or so it appeared.

Ronglish conservatives hadn’t, however, reckoned on a team of crack Ugandan guffologists, who produced a startling alternative theory after poring over almost a million hours of sparkling co-commentary.

In these remarkable findings, it is suggested that the Buddy Holly finds daring Ron in one of his rather less politically correct moments, evoking the memory of the unfortunate crooner’s airborne demise, to paint a picture of any sharp descent to earth.

Furthermore, in an ironic twist, it is suggested that many of the charlatans whose tumbles Ron has likened to Holly’s, emerge gleefully unscathed after their dramatic plunges - in marked contrast to Buddy’s fatal freefall. Robert Pires, hang your head.

The truth about the Buddy Holly may lie somewhere in between. Perhaps having tried out the less-PC variation one Tuesday night when a bunch of Eastern European drama queens pitched up at Old Trafford, Ron was swiftly talked out of it by Clive, who apparently does a mean version of Peggy Sue.

Whatever happened, the suggestion that Ron might have added to Dennis Bergkamp’s problems by giving him a newfound fear of diving looks to be nonsense. For one thing, the Dutchman continues to tumble like a girl whenever the mood takes him.
Ron might say:
“He’s got no right to even hit the target there, Clive, but to be fair, he’s bought a ticket and caught that bang on the Buddy Holly.”

Revisionist Ron might say:
“Tell you what, Clive, I know the lad’s got a nudge early doors, but Pires has gone down like Buddy Holly there.”

What we should probably say:
“Oops a daisy, big Heskey’s taken a tumble there but it looks innocuous. Quite unlike that horrible air crash that claimed the life of popular entertainer Buddy Holly many years ago. Lord rest him.”